Trying to make peace
11 May 2008 by Liz
Warning: Unthought-out and cryptic post to follow. Apologies in advance. Also, I tried to post this all day on Saturday but wordpress wasn’t cooperating.
I am struggling to make peace with a situation I’m facing right now. Two people in my life, both very near and dear, disagree COMPLETELY on an issue. Their disagreement makes it impossible for them to be together in certain situations. As a result, there are times when I end up feeling like I have to pick one of them over another when making plans.
This is hard…because I actually completely agree with one of them and really disagree with the other one on this specific issue. But not one to rock the boat, I keep my mouth shut about how I really feel about the situation. But it upsets me.
I’m not generally a confrontational person, but I’ve been stewing about this situation for a while now. I feel torn between these two people, but know that this is really the result of only one person involved in this. I want these two to make peace with one another. I want to make the peace between them. Or I want to make peace within myself about the way things are. I’m not having luck at any of these though.
(This is making no sense…I know!!)
I’m struggling with this right now. And I know I haven’t even told y’all enough that you’d be able to offer some advice.
That is hard. I typically try to stay out of things unless it is something I feel strongly about. Even at that I have to weigh the consquences of saying my peace vs keeping the peace. My opinion is that if it is something the person can’t or won’t change then don’t rock the boat. If a persuasive arguement could make them come around or at least see the other person’s point of view then it might be worth it to say something.
My 2 cents - don’t take this on. I tend to want to help a lot, too, but then I feel guilty if things don’t go the way I wanted, and feel like it’s my fault.
I think it’s fair to say to both of them, look this is really upsetting me, and I wish you two could work it out.
One of the great lessons I’ve learned from Parent Effectiveness Training is to always ask yourself, is this my problem, is this our problem, or is this their problem? When it’s not your actual problem, there’s no need to take it on.
You know you can email me anytime if you want to talk in more detail about it.
Hey Little Sister! First, don’t you have enough on your plate? Here you are - a NEW (and SUCCESSFUL, I might add) single MOM (Happy Mother’s Day!!) - and World Peace is NOT a 25 meter target (sorry, military terminology)… People have their Belief Systems (note - BS) - and YOU are NOT going to change that. What you add to the mix is love and support. Just be you and look at all the positives of each side. You don’t have to FIX anything (nor can you change anyone’s BS) so just continue to be the incredible person YOU are. And who is that??? WOW!! You are the most loving wonderful MOM (first), daughter, sister, friend, brilliant woman I know. You can listen (if you want) and still support ALL sides. The important thing to remember, love your boys because they are an incredible gift you have been given. Those boys get to be whomever GOD directs them. GOD doesn’t place anyone in a box. People place people in a box (whether labeled with “divorced” or learning disabled or JEW or … (or my goodness - this box isn’t large enough to place everyone’s label…). Another military term - BLUF - Bottom Line Up Front - Miss Elizabeth - you have permission to LOVE without condition. You DON’T have to take any sides. Simply LOVE and support the way so many LOVE and support you. Times are changing. I remember when a friend loved a friend who was a different color and another friend who was a different religion - Jesus is the LIGHT and the WAY. HE didn’t talk about differences - He spoke of love and being ONE with God. Our world is battling around differences and fear. Don’t buy into the battle. Simply LOVE these people who believe differently. Focus on what is important - your 2 boys and surrounding them with LOVE, a happy MOM, providing support, yada, yada, yada… You DO NOT have to take sides because sometimes, only GOD can change people’s BS… It is NOT up to you to make peace. It IS up to you to continue providing a safe loving home environment for your boys. OK, I’m blithering… But I also believe GOD places us where we are at a specific time for a reason. Have that LIGHT Jesus sends out. You contain that LIGHT, that LOVE, that support to ALL around you for a reason. Don’t buy into the confrontation, that negative energy - you get to be you. Simply LOVE all those incredible people who love you - make it unconditional. Love really is unconditional. That’s the bottom line. I love you, my little sister. I am SO proud of your strength, your heart, your brain - and the incredible MOM you are. Take the imprints on you that brought you to this point. Continue to love and support those still on the journey. I love you with all my heart. AOT - CC