Blogging Break

Just wanted to let y’all know that I’m going to take a bit of a blogging break.  I’ll be back, maybe in about a week (maybe less…). 

I put it all out there — the pleasant and unpleasant, the truth, the painful and ugly truth and all my emotions, and realize that one of the risks to putting it out there having feedback from readers — feedback that isn’t always pleasant, isn’t expected and isn’t what I wanted to hear.

So I’m going to just step away for a moment or two, try and gain some perspective and then return with better focus and outlook. 

I’ll miss y’all but will still be visiting around to your blogs and leaving my normal crazy comments…

xoxo ~liz

Clarification

I have been intentionally vague about Mr. Sparks-a-lot every time I mention him (which has only been twice…) because his issues are his own and not for me to air out here on my blog.  If no one he knew in real life read this, then I might talk about it (to get feedback and advice from all of y’all more than anything!) but good friends of his read this blog.  (The friends who first introduced us…)  But I had an email this weekend and a seperate conversation with a real-life friend asking me about him and I thought some clarification was in order.

I realize that not discussing the reasons he and I aren’t, well, anything leave a lot of room for speculation about what’s going on.  But I will say this: I am not a home wrecker.  I was married to someone who was unfaithful and have felt the sting of adultery.  And I would never do that to another woman.  For heaven’s sake…I have had some winks/emails from some very hot guys on match.com who list their status as “Currently Separated” and I write them back and tell them I won’t even consider dating someone who isn’t divorced.   Totally divorced.  I waited to date until my divorce was F-I-N-A-L, the old-fashioned gal that I am and don’t want to be involved with someone who isn’t also. 

His life, his issues, his baggage and his true identity will remain a mystery…and my feelings for him (I’m going to see him this weekend!) will, too.  Hidden, at least, to those who don’t read this blog.

Happy Mother’s Day!!

To all my mom friends…Happy Mother’s Day!!

My old same, Amy (who is an amazing mom…I wish I were more like her!), sent me this wonderful little pillow as a Mother’s Day gift (she’s so good like that!).  I thought my single mom friends (especially April & SWM!) would appreciate this…

I am so blessed to have two wonderful boys to make Mother’s Day so special.  Even when I’m finding rocks in my washing machine (from boys who unknowingly fill their pockets with them), scrubbing more dirt than I thought possible out from under their fingernails, and being presented with dead caterpillars as presents…I love my boys (who, as you  can see, seem to constantly seem to be sporting some sort of chocolate milk/popsicle moustache/facepaint!).

 

 

Trying to make peace

Warning: Unthought-out and cryptic post to follow.  Apologies in advance.  Also, I tried to post this all day on Saturday but wordpress wasn’t cooperating.

I am struggling to make peace with a situation I’m facing right now.  Two people in my life, both very near and dear, disagree COMPLETELY on an issue.  Their disagreement makes it impossible for them to be together in certain situations.  As a result, there are times when I end up feeling like I have to pick one of them over another when making plans.

This is hard…because I actually completely agree with one of them and really disagree with the other one on this specific issue.  But not one to rock the boat, I keep my mouth shut about how I really feel about the situation.  But it upsets me. 

I’m not generally a confrontational person, but I’ve been stewing about this situation for a while now.  I feel torn between these two people, but know that this is really the result of only one person involved in this.  I want these two to make peace with one another.  I want to make the peace between them.  Or I want to make peace within myself about the way things are.  I’m not having luck at any of these though.

(This is making no sense…I know!!)

I’m struggling with this right now.  And I know I haven’t even told y’all enough that you’d be able to offer some advice. 

To date or not to date…

This dating thing is hard.  I remember is was never really that fun back when I was just out of college and single…but it’s even more not fun now.  Although I’ve tried to persuade Kori and another single mom blogger friend (after they emailed me asking for details about the online thing…) to get out there and join me in the match.com quest, it looks like they’re going to just keep living vicariously though my exploits for now.

I think the most overwhelming thing for me is the time commitment it requires.  I’m already trying hard to balance work and single-motherhood, and to add to that the dating dimension is proving more challenging than I expected.  I feel like, right now at least, I’m not getting a very good return on my time investment. 

And, if I’m being honest — I probably am not really putting it all out there because in the back of my mind, I keep hoping Mr. Sparks-a-lot will hurry up and deal with the, uh, baggage in his life so that he and I can explore what might be.  But at the same time (how’s this for crazy?), I don’t want him dealing with his baggage just because I may or may not be waiting in the wings.  I want him to want the happiness he deserves and I want him to deal with the issues because he wants to, not because I’m wonderful and could make him so much happier.  Does that make sense? (And yes, Big Sis Cee, I still day dream about him.  Especially while driving to work…my mind wanders to all that could be wonderful about a life with him….sigh.)

I am not looking for a serious relationship in my life right now.  I am looking to have fun (you remember — lip gloss and dancing shoes) and live the life of a single woman in her almost-30s (I’ll be 30 in less than 30 days…).  But let’s face it — I am a mom first and foremost.  Which at this age makes me most unlike all the others out there. 

The boys are going to be with their father this weekend, and I’ve got some potential dates in the works from match.  I will, as always, keep y’all posted.

(I’m coming back from my hiatus — My reader count is below 50 and I’m blogging before 10pm at night!)

 

Still Swamped

I hate that I’m neglecting you all.  I hate that all the craziness flowing around in my head (dating, day care, work, fighting over child support) has no place to go because I haven’t had time to blog.  I hate that my google reader has 200+ unread items and no where in the near future are Mr. Reader and I going to be able to cozy up for catch-up time. 

I am very happy with my new responsibilities at work.  Having tons to do also makes the days pass more quickly.  But it means that y’all are sadly missing out on my charm and wit.  (Let’s just pretend that that’s why y’all come around here…)

I will tell you that with every passing day I grow increasingly pleased that I have found a new school (the Montessori one) for Jack and Will in the fall.  I am so frustrated with current location and they seem to do something I find unbearable every single day.

Take today, for example:  It’s Teacher Appreciation Week.  I don’t really appreciate most of them, but I’m playing along.  (Sort of.)  Today, each child was supposed to bring one flower for each of their teachers, and the teachers would collect them throughout the morning and would have an entire bouquet.  Cute idea, right?  Jack was SO EXCITED to pick out flowers (yellow roses) and carried them in the front door very proud this morning.  (It was tearing me up, however, because I saw flashes forward to him taking flowers to a girl when he’s all grown up!)

He went in to find his teacher (who’d been out yesterday, inexplicably) and when he found her, she was talking to another teacher and crying.  Jack, very politely, said “Here, Miss Jennifer, these are for you!”  She shooshed him away, and the teacher she was talking to said “Jack, come to my room.  Miss Jennifer isn’t on yet.”

What?  I mean, I get that everyone has personal problems.  But if your problems are so bad that you can’t talk to and accept a flower from one of the kids that you are paid to care for, then don’t come in.  Or don’t be standing in your classroom.  Go to the teacher’s lounge where no child will assume that they can approach you, say good morning and give you a flower. 

It just broke my heart for Jack because he’d been so excited.  His face crumpled and he walked over to the classroom next door with yellow roses clutched in his hand. 

See?  I’m going on and on and work is multiplying while I ignore it.  And getting upset and teary thinking about dejected-looking Jack this morning.  Must run.  Will find time to write more soon…

If I’m not commenting on your blog — I miss you terribly and look forward to catching up soon.  Mmmmmwuuuuahhhhhh!

Inspired post will have to wait

All the way to work this morning I crafted a post in my head about this weekend, updating you all and telling you about a wonderful sisterhood I am a part of.  (I got to spend time this weekend with two of those ’sisters’!)

But when I arrived in my office, I discovered a stack of stuff waiting for me.  Stuff I had screwed up last week and that completely needed to be re-done.  I had left early on Friday (Jack and sick at day care and had to be picked up) and my screw-ups seemed to pile on as the afternoon went by.

See, I was just given basically a whole new job.  I am still in the same office, working with/for the same people, but when two members of our team departed, they left a long list of responsibilities that needed to be taken up by someone.  I am that someone, and I’m happy to do this job.  It’s a complicated/tedious process job, but I like it (it’s the German in me…I can’t help it!).  Last week was my first attempt at doing it (with minimal instruction) and I messed up.  Big time.

So y’all will have to wait on something beautiful and reflective from me.  I’ve got to go fix this stuff.  Ugh.  Happy Freaking Monday.

Mission Accomplished!

It’s done!!!  It wasn’t without a LOT of jitters and frantic phone calls (what am I going to wear?!?), but it’s done.  And all in all, it wasn’t a bad time.  I won’t be upset if he doesn’t call again, but were he to call, I probably would go out with him again. 

Mr. Training Wheels was late for the date, but at least called to tell me he was running a little late.  (About 10 minutes, but punctuality is a big thing for me…he lost immediate points for that.)  So by the time he arrived, I had knocked back most of a Sapphire martini (having myself arrived 10 minutes early), which made the whole process a little easier.   First impressions/moments were about what I expected but after we’d sat down and ordered dinner and begun talking, things got better. 

The Dating Debut

Yes, that’s right: Tonight is my first post-divorce date.  I have gone back and forth about a million times on whether or not to go out with this guy but after 3+ hours last night on the phone with him, we have plans for tonight.

We’re going to grab some dinner, and then I’m off to see my cousin’s band play.  I don’t know if Mr. Training Wheels will join me for the concert, I guess it will depend on how dinner goes.

Thanks to those of you who have chimed in with thoughts (both in the comments around here and by sending emails) on Mr. Training Wheels.  He has said some things that made me think he’s not they guy for me…and perhaps not even worthy of a first date.  And then last night, when I had every intention of taking his call and telling him I didn’t think we should go out, something happened and hours later we’d made plans.  Along the way I’d discovered more about him that made him more attractive.

I still think in the long run he’s not my type.  The number one indicator of this is that his longest relationship ever has been “7-8 months” — I just don’t think he’s ready for a relationship with a single mom with two young kids.  When you’re almost in your mid-30s and haven’t ever been serious with someone for longer than 7 months there is clearly something missing.

But I’m looking forward to tonight.  (Does anyone know of a miracle weight loss technique that would allow me to lose 20 lbs before then?)  If nothing else, it’ll be fun to put on some lip gloss and my dancing shoes. 

(Edited to add: Thanks to The Nicole, I have some fabulous new lip color to wear tonight!  And eye shadow, and blush…I’d be lost without make-up advice.  I’m hopeless in that arena…)

Because Uncles Know…

…what little boys really like! 

The boys and I went to the National Arboretum on Sunday and met up with my brother Patrick and his boyfriend, Kevin.  It was an overcast/drizzly day, but the azaleas are blooming and it’s beautiful there.  Jack and Will, however, were not at all interested in seeing the azaleas after Uncle Patrick and Kevin presented them with Transformer walkie-talkies.